This ‘January Challenge – My Awakening Experience and Moving On’ was started by this amazing lady here, Barbara Franken whereby she invited a group of bloggers around to join in this challenge. I am really honoured and thankful to have this chance to join in this sharing session!
So is the 27th January 2013, the day I scheduled to have this post so here is my share.
When I first signed up for this challenge, I thought really hard. What were the incidents that have happened that changed me the most? To many of us, some changes are inevitable and probably we might just even treat them as parts and parcels of life.
What I felt when I first saw this “awakening experience”, I thought about a scenario whereby a life-changing experience have happened to a certain person and it changes the person’s life and allowing him or her to realize their true inner self that have been concealed in them for a long period of time. It is not the usual self that they have portrayed to the society, but the real them.
I recalled this incident vividly that have happened to me and yes, an awakening experience for me. It happened when I was 18. I was just a normal school girl until one fine day. When everything changes…
It was during my hectic period of school life and one fine day, I spotted a floater in my left eye. I thought it was just because I was too tired recently and I prayed hard nothing major was going to happen. But days after days, there were still no changes. I started to worry. I decided maybe it was time for me to see the doctor. Till today, I remembered the fear and worry I had back then. I remembered going to the nearby clinic and the doctor got worried as well, she told me she suspected it was retinal detachment and referred me to the hospital. My check-up at the hospital was around 4 days after going to the clinic and those 4 days were probably the longest period of time I have gone through. Time seemed to be passing so slowly and every single day, I cannot help but think about what was really wrong with me. There were nights I spent hiding in my blanket and cried until I slept. The suspense was really too much for me to take and I felt really helpless.
So eventually that day came. During the check up, I was really nervous and when it was confirmed that I was diagnosed with retinal detachment, my heart literally sank. Knowing I had to do a surgery, I was not sure how I could handle it. I had matters that were worrying me. First, it was the surgery. Who will not freak out when you heard that the doctor is going to remove your eyeball, put something in and put your eyeball in? I was not just afraid of the surgery process but I was also afraid of the result. All I can say was I was afraid because I was afraid. I felt I did not have the courage and confidence to handle this and this was what scared me even more. Secondly, it was my school project work. I understood how important these two were to me and all I could think about was why me? Why out of so many people, and it just had to be me?
My mother brought me to a private hospital for a second consultation and listen to their views. They said that retinal detachment normally happened to older people and I was only 18! Once again, I felt that it was unfair. However, the doctor wanted to do the surgery immediately because he said it was an emergency case. He decided to try laser surgery first due to my young age and if necessary, then the big surgery. I was shocked. I had not made any mental preparation! He decided to do a laser surgery first to see if he could stop the retinal from falling any further. So at 4pm that afternoon, I had my surgery. I remembered the doctor telling me to try and keep the lens in my eyes or if it dropped out, he would have to redo it again. Hearing that, I somehow felt courage surging up. I was determined to get this done, once and for all. I even told the nurse to press me down if I were to move because of the pain. I guess never in my whole life would I forget the surgery process. During the surgery, I thought about happy memories and the number of things I have not done yet. This surgery had to be successful.
Eventually, the surgery was over. Even the doctor and nurse praised that I was brave. :’) I was glad but I was hurting too. When I thought everything was over, it was not. The very next day, when I went for a follow-up check-up then he realized, I had to go through another round because there was still fluid at that portion of the retinal. So in the end, I had my second round of surgery. I was sure that I was even braver this time round.
However after the surgery, I felt like my inner self had been awakened and it was as if I was a new-born all over again and everything just seemed to fall into place. Though I have lost 10% of my vision, I was thankful that the surgery went well and even more grateful that it made me appreciate things in my life, even those small little ones. For example, in the morning, someone could just say a simple, “Good morning!” That simple gesture could totally brighten up my morning! These are small little things we always tend to neglect and take for granted in life, or it could just be that we do not even bother to care.
After that incident, I learnt to see things in another perspective. I slowly learnt to see things more in depth than just looking at the things that were just on the surface point and dealt with problems with a different approach. Not only that, I am definitely thankful for my optimism in life all along since young and grateful for my family and friends’ support throughout this hard period of time.
So after that, I continued blogging and found my interest in the things I want to blog. I did not just want to purely want to talk about my own life, but I want to share with everyone lessons I have learnt in my life. I want to inspire people through my words and through experiences I have gone through. From that, I really wish that they could find out their real self too.
I started to write poems from feelings I have experienced or stories I have seen or heard. Although I might not have seen a lot in my life because of my young age but I can say that, up till now, I have learnt many lessons in life that many have not discovered or “attended” yet. I am really glad to say that I am enjoying how things are right now and though there are small little obstacles here and there in my life, I know how to handle it better than before.
I also started to read books that were more to the philosophy types and I really loved them. Then it came to me at a point of time, when I saw this quote and thought how true it was. It was a quote, written by Ralph Waldo Emerson, “It is not length of life, but depth of life”, and I thought I did not just want to live my life plainly but I want to do things that I love, things that I have passion in and try out things that I did not want to back then. I want to count my blessings, enjoy my life to the fullest extent and leave no regrets in this journey.
I am really happy to say that, I really love how I am right now and I hope the same for you too!
So here are the other wonderful bloggers who have joined in this challenge:
1st Barbara – http://memymagnificentself.wordpress.com
2nd Paddy – http://paddypicasso.wordpress.com
3rd Emanuel- http://emantable.com/musings-of-a-table/
6th Julianne – http://juliannevictoria.com
7th Sarah – http://theskycladwriter.wordpress.com
8th Shree – http://heartsongsblog.wordpress.com
9th Dace – http://mywaytotruth.wordpress.com
10th Korinn – http://www.korinn.com
11th Sindy – http://bluebutterfliesandme.wordpress.com
12th Stefanie – http://dancingwithstefanie.com
13th Mick – http://meticulousmick.wordpress.com
15th Megan – http://mychroniclifejourney.wordpress.com
16th Pat – http://patinspire.org
17th Marga – http://lifeasimprov.com
18th Kimberley – http://kimberlyharding.wordpress.com
21st Heather – http://wildflowerwomen.wordpress.com
23rd Sue – http://suedreamwalker.wordpress.com
24th M… – http://seeingm.wordpress.com
25th Brian G – http://middlepane.com
26th Dotta – http://dottaraphels.wordpress.com
27th CW – https://sunflowerrosecw.wordpress.com
28th Laurie – http://lauriesnotes.wordpress.com
29th Debra – http://ptero9.com
30th Linda – http://lindalitebeing.wordpress.com
31st Michael – http://navigator1965.wordpress.com
1st Leigh – http://bluegrassnotes.wordpress.com
2nd Shaman – http://shamanictracking.com
3rd Joss – http://crowingcrone.com
4th Jenna – http://jennadee222.wordpress.com
5th Shelley – http://livingwithshadows.wordpress.com
6th Elisabeth – http://almostspring.com
7th Michael – http://embracingforever.com